Personal Power day_8

Values and believes

Pain and pleasure are the controlling forces in human life, but specifically you and I, throughout our lives have learnt to give labels for different levels of pain and different levels of pleasure and those labels are called values.

If you had to choose which would you rather have: success, adventure, love, comfort, security?

Which would you pick if you had to decide and could choose only one?

All of us have learnt different words that are called emotions and to give them levels of importance. All emotions on the list above for most people are pretty much pleasurable but everyone has its own hierarchy of values that is guiding his everyday focus. We only pay attentions to a small band of our experiences and our values tell us which states we should pay attention to.

We can distinguish two types of values:

1) moving towards values: love, attraction, power…
2) moving away from values: anger, frustration, pain, embarrassment…


How does your brain decide if you are going to do something or not? It evaluate the experience that is connected in your mind to taking this kind of action. It is highly likely that person who has adventure on the high position on its hierarchy will parachute jump without asking questions whereas other person who’s highest value is security will never take that kind of risk.

Step one:

Answer the question: What is the most important in your life, and then assign those things to values they can be described by. If you think relationship – you mean the feeling you will get out of it, if you think money – you mean the possibilities they will bring you.

Step two:

Understand what are the feelings or states you would do almost everything to avoid. All the results of action taken by you in the past affect your values. The values are shaped by you parents when you are a kid, later by teachers and friends, finally when you get knowledge what there are you can shape them by your own knowing the direction they will take you.

Even if you do not want to change your values there is the thing you need to do. It is to understand the power of believes to impact the quality of your life.

Your believes and values work together to determine how you are going to feel.

The target is the values but how do you know if you hit the target or not? That is based on your believes and your believes are generalizations of rules set by yourself about what has to happen for you to experience a certain result in your life.


If I make a lot of money I will be successful, if I will find a girlfriend I will feel more attracted to others, If you respect me then you will never raise your voice on me and so on.

All of us have different rules even having the same values and we have to remember about it! For some people to respect other person means to never raise voice over her but for others that means to be honest with that person, outspoken with all the feelings we have in the moment even if we sometimes have to shout! The bottom line of disrespect can be (and in my case is) when in the middle of argument the other person will get up and walk out of the room. Others this kind of behavior can treat as a way to keep respect themselves if someone speak with higher ton of voice to them. Those examples describe how important is to understand values and rules that are linked to them because unawareness can bring pain that we do not look for.

Take another look when you feel uncomfortable with other person behavior. Make an effort to ask proper question and everyday situations that usually were hard to deal with will became easier.

The homework for today – understand values that are the most important for you and figure out what are the rules that let you feel them met.


~ by howbadoyouwant on May 9, 2012.

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